Virginity "snapped"

[Jesse]

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married this week-end and my fiancée thinks I'm a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me?"

The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try... On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it up your upper thigh. When your husband enters you for the first time, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."

The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for it.

They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band, and the hubby screams...
"What the heck was that!!?"

The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping".

The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!!"

[JaminJim]

This is from memory, so forgive me if you can,lol

A guy was helping a friend paint his house.
He was daydreaming about his wedding this weekend to the girl he grew up with.
They were young Christian’s and didn’t believe in sex before marriage.
Spacing out he got a woody thinking of the wedding night and fell off the ladder and landed on his wanker.

So they rushed off to the emergency room where the doctor explained that he broke his penis.
(That’s the medical term for prick, for you who didn’t know.)

“Doctor, I’m getting married this week, what can I do?”
The doctor said the best he can do is put it in a splint, and hope for the best.
So he got a couple tongue compressors and gauze bandages.
Wrapped it up good and tight.

All week he was worried. The wedding came and went.
The big night they were in their room.
The girl looks at her new husband and explains to him.
“You’ve been so patient with me all these year,
I want this night to be the best you’ve ever had.”
So she starts to slide her top of and says,
“See these breasts? No man has ever seen or touched these.”
As it dropped to the floor she started to slip her pantyhose off.
“See these thighs? No man has ever touched or felt the inside warmth they produce.”

By this time the guys in bed sweating bullets. (He still has the splints on his dick)
How’s he going to explain a broken dick to her?

Nothing left but her panties on she asked him if he would like to have this gift from God that is her true gift to her now loving husband?

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES he moans…

So as she slides the panties down ever so slowly, she looks him in the eye and whispers.
“Baby, no man has ever seen or felt this pussy before. I’m a virgin and you’re going to be the first.”

Nothing left to do the man; pull’s the blanket off him and says


“Hell, baby that’s nothing, this prick is still in the crate!!”

[eilene]